When Your Help Ain't Helping

     Have you ever done everything in your power to help someone and your help seemed to be ignored and taken for granted? In some cases, your help may have been not so politely rejected? You became frustrated or even angry that all your efforts amounted to nothing. You became upset that your great intentions weren't producing the great change in the person's life that you had hoped for and planned?
     You may have even lashed out at that person with an “everything I've done for you” speech that only further crippled your attempts to introduce positive change. Your frustration eventually led you down a road of anger and judgment. You wonder how you ended up there when all you wished to do was help someone that you care about.

You are a child of God. You have the means and desire to help.

Click here to read "Always" in its entirety.

 The help you are trying to provide is motivated in your deep love for this person. You see things in them they can't see. You see a way out of their predicament that they can not yet fathom. You have a list of modifications that if only they'd adhere to, would put them in a much better situation. Your desire to assist them is rooted in the best of things. You are a child of God. You have the means and desire to help.
     I have been on both sides of this coin. I have been the one that people were trying desperately to reach but just couldn't break through to at the time. It may have been my lack of trust in their advice. It may have been that I wasn't ready or open to change. I have felt the anger that stems from rejecting a loved one's efforts to lead you to a different life.
     I have also been the person eager to lend a helping hand; doling out what I knew was needed counsel. I was convinced that if that person listened to what I had to say, they would be fast on the road to seeing their circumstances improved. I didn't have all of life's answers but I had more than enough to help them with their problems.

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Trying to force my unwanted opinions on someone going through a storm backfired.

     My counsel may have been needed but it was unwanted. What is worse, trying to force my unwanted opinions on someone who was already going through a storm backfired. They began to see me as a source of negativity and drama rather than positivity and peace.
     Like many of us would-be helpers, I had to learn to withhold my judgment and try my best to refrain from anger. I had to overcome feelings of rejection and disappointment in my failed attempts to alter their life's trajectory. Trying to so forcefully assist them led me to a dark and helpless place.
     That's because they were a couple of things I was forgetting. First, we don't always know the complete story of someone's life. We are not always privy as to why they think differently from us. We are not always aware of and do not always understand what experiences shaped their personalities and influenced their decision making. We do not always possess the knowledge of why they made decisions that produced such negative or poor outcomes.
     Sure, we may know a few of their specifics but since we are not that person or God Himself, we don't know everything. Even when we do know most of the facts and those facts do portend to bad results stemming from bad decisions, it is not our place to judge. Our frustration though often justifiable helps no one. Instead, it only decreases the likelihood of that person turning to us when they've finally had enough.

It is up to God to decide who the channel of change will be.

     The second thing I forgot is that it is up to God to decide who the channel of change will be. We may be fighting the good fight but God could have other plans. Maybe, we are not the ones to bring this person into the fold. Perhaps it is someone or something else that will lead them to deliverance from their dire situation.
     Their rejection of our help may not be about us. We just might not be the one who God sent in this particular situation. I had to learn how to get out of God's way. I had to set aside my pride and agenda to recognize that all my so-called help wasn't helping at all. Instead, not only did it push them further away from me, but it also caused them to question the God who I was supposedly representing.
    If we can't help, then we certainly must not cause any additional harm. We should not let our desire and determination to aid that person turn into another negative in their life. If they are unwilling to accept our help, we must let go and let God. We must know that we've done all we could to be a positive and loving force in their life. 
     When we can do nothing else, we can still pray. That is always within our power. Our prayers activate God's blessings so we must pray to Him knowing that He loves that person even more than we do. In fact, He loves them more than we possibly ever could. Remember always that God is God. He can change things even when we can't.

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