Oh So Classy!

Oh So Classy!

I’m much too classy for that…
  even though I’d rather attack
  and make suffering not fiction but fact.
I could use a nail ridden bat
  to make your little brains go splat
  but I’m much too classy for that.

I’m much too classy to make you scream…
  although torturing you is a sweet dream
  and in those dreams, your blood gleams
  as it pours swimmingly out of your seams.
You should be picking your funeral theme
  but I’m much too classy I beam!

I’m much too classy to be fake…
  knowing I’d like to stab you with a rake
  or submerge you in a bottomless lake
  or ram you up the ass with a stake
  or turn you into maggot cake.
I’m much too classy for those moves to make!

I’m much too classy for this…
  to stick out my ass for you to kiss
  so I can shower you with piss.
In your navel, a wrench I want to twist,
  scar you so bad your mama would diss
  then add you to the cold case list.
Yet I’m much too classy is the gist!

I’m much too classy I can’t lie…
  to have your entrails flying by
  or to construct a trophy from your eye,
  to knit a handbag from your thigh,
  to have the Lord question sadly and sigh...
What has she done now and why?
Why did I invent her? My My My.
Cause with Satan she’s a pretty close tie.
Will this child ever get it right?

I could have been much too classy to write this rhyme
  but no better therapy have I been able to find.
This passion for poetic expression over time,
  has helped save me from losing my mind.
Since my pursuits are of a divine kind,
I’d rather create than cross certain lines.

"Oh So Classy" is an excerpt from Role Reversal: Turn Pain Into Power

About "Oh So Classy!"

This poem reflects my dark sense of humor while also tackling an issue that I had to fight hard to overcome. In regards to my humor, I love to laugh. I figure I need to laugh enough to balance or cancel out my many tears. I'm always up for an opportunity to laugh as long as it is not at someone else's expense. There are a minimum of topics that I feel are off limits for laughter, and those are few and far between.
So, whenever possible, I try to find the humor in everything, including the darkest things. It's not only a healthy coping mechanism but many times, laughter helps us get through the rough times just a little bit easier. I also wanted to step out of my box a little, so I wanted to pen a poem that was slightly wild and crazy. I wanted to create a piece that would make me laugh about my issue even if I was the only person to find this poem a little funny.
This is how “Much Too Classy” came to life. The issue that is the centerpiece of this poem is anger management. For a good part of my young life, controlling my temper had been a challenge. I committed myself to address it and to find ways to deal with and channel it. Denying anger is not the answer especially when the anger is justified. Whether the anger is justified or not, it is still up to the angry person to manage it to the best of their abilities.
“Much Too Classy” is a slightly wild and crazy, offbeat and dark piece. I had a lot of dark humor fun writing it. Most of the poem might have you looking at me sideways and that's OK. Hang in there for the full ride though and you will see that dealing with an issue with humor can spark creativity.