A Sinner's Prayer

"A Sinner's Prayer" is one of the first pieces I penned when I began writing in my mid 20's. It still rings true today. I can sum it up in a sign that I read just the other day: “If you only pray to God only when you're in trouble, then you're in trouble.”
At the time I wrote this poem, I was just learning how to not allow the unhealthy or unlikeable things about myself to define who I was. That didn't mean that I could ignore those things or traits. It meant and still means dealing with myself truthfully. I am a sinner. I don't always do good, yet God loves me anyway. There is beauty and there is power in knowing that.
I haven't always done good and I haven't always listened to God. Sometimes, I listened to voices of instant gratification instead of those that advocated faith for the long haul. I catch myself still making that same mistake to lesser degrees. I don't beat myself up over it anymore. Instead, I thank God for the lesson and His illumination: that I at least do better than I did before. 

A Sinner’s Prayer

God save me from myself-
  that is my constant prayer
  as I dive deeper into myself
  into the unaware.

Into the sea of those
  who don’t know You,
  not because they can’t
  but because they won’t.

God, save me from myself
  as I dive deeper into myself…

Into this comforting sea of sin
  that eagerly awaits me,
  that deceitfully soothes me
  as I loom impatiently-
Waiting for you to answer me.

Did I miss your call-
  for me to come back home,
  because I was so busy trying
  to make it on my own?

I know that you will spare me
  once again in this time of need
  that I have created
  out of my own human errors
  and own evil ways.

You are ALL merciful!
It is You who holds tomorrow.
So it is with the deepest of faith
  and the saddest of all sorrow.
  that I call on You Lord, God
  to save me from myself...
  as I sin impatiently.

"A Sinner's Prayer" is an excerpt from Candidreams:  I Remember the Beginning.